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[Sunday
September 30th, 2007
10:20pm] |
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A lot has happened since i last updated.
Stuff that I don't feel like going into.
*I've honestly never felt so used in my life.
I let my guard down and I got completely fucked over.
I even let someone that has been so important to me for over a year and three months
go just for a fucking asshole.
I feel so fucking manipulated and embarrassed.
You didn't hurt me. I hurt myself. By letting myself trust you.
From this point on, everyone is nothing to me.*
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| Yeah. |
[Monday
May 28th, 2007
2:40pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
I stole this from Ally.. =]
1) List 20-ish things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.
1. I don't even know how to word how I feel about you right now. You in someway disgust me. You were supposed to be my best friend, over the past couple of months, we grew so far apart it's unbelievable. I hope she stabs you in the back and you regret forgetting about me.
2. For being my "sister", you do a shitty job. Your two-faced, shady and yet I still miss having you around and I don't even know why.
3. You're my best friend and the most important person in my life. I never thought I would ever find someone as great as you. The only time I'm happy is when were together and I wanna be with you ever second of my life...It's obvious who this is. =] I love you.
4. Your probably the fakest and biggest hypocrite ever. I hate you and I'm glad you got you're ass kicked.
5. Over the past school year, we bonded so much. Your one of the only people I trust right now and I'm so glad were so close. I don't know what I'm going to do when we graduate & go our separate ways.
6. Although you think I hate you, I look up to you. I love youu.
7. I can't stand you. I honestly think your probably the worst person in the world. I never hated someone like I do you. I seriously hope you drop out of college and become just like your sister and suck at life.
8. I hate not being able to be my self around you. Your supposed to love me as I am and fully support me. I'll probably never forgive you.
9. Every time I look at you, I want to vomit. It disgusts me that at one time you were my everything. Your so lame and I don't even regret going around telling people about "the mole". =]
10. I don't hate you at all, I miss you so much. I wish you would come live with me again.
11. I miss having you around, now that summer is pretty much here it brings back too many memories. I wish we would hang out again and be as close as we used to be.
12. At Sharpsville's Grand March, I cried when I saw you. I don't even know what happened to us. I miss our friendship more than anything.
13. I have so many mixed feelings about you: The best word to describe you: shady. We used to be best friends, now you only call me when you want gossip, but I miss being with you 24/7. You made the summer so much fun for me. I loved every night of it. I would kill to have a summer like last. Yeah, and I'll never forgive you for fucking him, you stupid slut.
14. I'm glad your still with her, and that you got extremely ugly right after we broke up.
15. You used to be my best friend and at one time, my boyfriend. You suck now, and your really fucked up. I hope you get mouth cancer from all that chew.
16. Your probably the funniest kid I know. I love being around you and I'm glad we work together now. When I first went to Keystone, you made me feel so comfortable when I didn't know anyone. I'm glad I know you, no matter what people say about you.
17. We just recently started hanging out but I'm soo glad we did. I hate that we waited this long to get to know eachother. You seriously crack me upp.
18. The metal thing is annoying, drop it. I don't miss you that much at all.
19. Out of all my ex-friends, I probably miss you the most. I had the most fun with you. I miss hangout out with you more than you'll ever know. I miss my extremely blonde, pale, & tiny bff. And I miss doing drugs with you. Hah.
20. All I can say is, I hate you more than you'll ever know and i'll neverrrr forgive you.
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[Sunday
March 18th, 2007
9:04pm] |
So now that i'm 18, my mom is jumping on the oppourtunity of kicking me out. great.
everything sucks and i miss brittany.
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[Thursday
November 23rd, 2006
7:18pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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Welllll tonight I'm going to Brittanys forrr the night.
Then tomorrow with Ally all day.
Possibly Brent sometime?
Yeahhh. Finaaallyyy have atleast some plans.
Haa, Happy Thanksgiving!? =]]
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| wellll... |
[Saturday
October 28th, 2006
6:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
i'm not asking for my life to be 100% perfect.
just a little stability would be nice.
i'm not asking for the perfect boyfriend.
the perfect parents. the perfect reputation.
the perfect friends. perfect grades.
just something close to perfect in one of those catagories would be amazing.
as far as the boyfriend and relationship thing goes, i feel like i'm working my ass off and trying so much to make something work and i'm doing it all by myself. i understand that parents are gay and that it's so hard, but there are other ways of getting around them. look how the past 2 months have been. everything was fine. now because of one thing everything is diffrent.
i'm losing brent, i know i am. and i hate that more than anything in the world. i hate the thought of that. and because it's all over the simple fact of where i go to school at is what hurts even more. tonight, i made a hugee effort to see him. after all we been through today i just wanted nothing more than for him to hold me again for even like, five minutes, like how it used to be before i apparantly "changed him", and when everything was perfect for us. nothing on his part. not even a message to tell me he wasn't coming out. maybe he's right, maybe it's not going to work. maybe it is too hard. &maybe i'm just doing all of this for nothing.
i don't know anymore.
parents and friends are a diffrent story. my parents just don't care about anything but themselves, thats clear. friends, atleast i have two i know i can turn to.
i don't know but something really needs to change. =/
i'm going to sleep, without waiting for my phone to ring for once.
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[Monday
October 9th, 2006
12:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crazy |
] |
My hair is diffrenttt!
I wish i knew what color it is exactly. Heh, it's kinda hard to describe.
It's like a brownish-blondeish-redish.
I kinda like it, i just need to get used to it.
Anyways, last night me and Amanda hung out with our new friend, Renee. First, we went to the mall & kinda hung out with Tony, John, and Pat. Thenn we went to Dennys. Danny and Dom came too. And the brought Michelle..hah. Thennn we went to Walmart. Me & Renee stole vibrating condoms. haha. Not like were actually going to use them, we just thought it was funny. =P We saw Heidi there too. I haven't seen that girl since the last day of school. Then we went and picked up Chris and Vinnie and went to the West Middlesex skatepark to see the stuff we supposivly wrote about Ashton & Sabrina. Yeah, we didn't write shit. But yeah, then we took them home & went to Danny's. Todd was there. Ugh. I punched him in the face though. =] Go me. Thennnn Renee went home and I got to see Brent.
Yeah, it was fun.
& today I got my hair done. And Brittany called. I doubt things are ever going to be the same with me and her. It hurts.
But things are good. Even though the only people that I am actually really, really close to are Amanda and Brent. It's good, I like it this way. I'm content with it. =]
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[Monday
September 11th, 2006
10:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
A lot has happened this weekend.
Most bad, some good.
Rosie came home, and now shes like, living with me. Wich is good. It's gonna be great to have someone always there to talk to. I got to see Brent a lot this weekend, wich is good, too.
But I'm starting to realise who my true friends are and who are the fakest people I have EVER met before. Not mentioning any names. Rosie and Brittany are the only people I know that I can trust, Brittany espically. I don't know what I'm going to do if she has to move to New York. That girls my best friend I don't think I could live without her.
[[OH and I think it's real messed up to try so hard to make someones life miserable. Really, its pathetic and so immature. Espically when they didn't really do anything to you in the first place. You've really just crossed the line and I hope someday real soon everyone sees how fake and just plain ignorant you are. Then YOU'LL have no one. And you know who you are]]
Thanks.
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| I'VE NEVER MISSED YOU THIS MUCH |
[Wednesday
August 30th, 2006
10:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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melancholy |
] |
I hate getting that feeling when you think about something thats really bugging you, and you get sick to your stomach. And you try so hard not to think about it, but every little thing reminds you of it. And its like you get that permenant feeling of sickness.
I have a feeling this is all coming to an end real soon.
And I can't stand the thought of that.
I also hate it when i feel so alone. Like, i have no one. And no one cares enough to try to cheer me up. And you haven't talked to someone for so long it seems like they just stopped caring about you all together. Espically, when your friends..including your boyfriend all do it at once.
Every slow song I hear makes me want to bawl. I don't know why exactly, but I can't stand it.
For the past two days, it's been nothing but depression for me.
I don't think I've ever felt so alone.
Could someone please just pretend they care, and be there for me just once?
That would be great.
I won't hold my breath though. Thanks.
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[Sunday
August 6th, 2006
3:28am] |
Dear Livejournal
I hate you.
&& I'm thinking about deleting you.
Love,
Kristin.
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[Tuesday
July 25th, 2006
2:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I'm too impatient.
I need to be not single anymore.
I hate waiting, I wish I wasn't so shy and could just ask someone out.
Seriously.
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[Thursday
July 20th, 2006
10:46pm] |
K so... say I'm cruel or whatever for this...
But I seriously wish people would shut up about the kid who killed himself.
It sucks that he's dead and that he made the decision, yeah..
But he made it himself.
He got what he wanted, he's dead.
It happens, people die.
I understand people for being upset but come on, it's life.
Everyone dies, it's time to move on.
Get over it already.
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[Thursday
July 20th, 2006
7:51pm] |
Wow.
Everyones dying.
Everytime someone dies, for some reason I always wonder what would happen if next time it was me.
Like, who would actually care and cry.
And if the people who dislike me and if my ex-friends would be upset over it.
Eh, I guess it doesn't really matter..
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[Wednesday
July 12th, 2006
2:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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excited |
] |
i like a boy =]]
&& the feeling just might be mutual this time<33
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| YOUR FUCKING PAIN IS SO DESERVING |
[Saturday
June 17th, 2006
8:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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pissed off |
] |
Is it bad that sometimes i wish half of my friends would drop dead?
I think so.
Today I did nothing.
Big suprise there.
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[Friday
June 16th, 2006
12:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cold |
] |
This thing is friends only now.
Yeah.
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